This Bed We Share

In the early, early hours of the morning, as light had barely begun chasing away the darkness of the night, I crossed the vastness of our king sized bed we share. He was facing away, so I took that prime opportunity to curl my body into his, wrapping my one arm around his waist and the other —let's be honest here, has anyone really figured out how or where that other arm goes while enacting the part of "big spoon"? If you have, leave a comment below because I still haven't a clue. I pulled myself closer to him and buried my face into his back. I was immediately overwhelmed with two thoughts:

•How is it possible to love this man so much?

•My goodness could he use a shower!

He has been so tired lately, and yes, our communication has definitely felt that strain. He has been working so hard to fulfill that role of provider for our family while I stay at home and raise the babies. I'm still waking up multiple times throughout the night to feed one baby or settle the other, so typical mornings I am usually barely hanging onto lucidity when Colton is kissing me good bye and walking out the door.

So this beautiful morning I jumped at the opportunity to hold my husband tight and I gave thanks to God for seeing us through another stormy season, and I prayed that He start armoring us and preparing our hearts for the next. [I started writing this a couple weeks back. My goodness, if I had only known what was in store. The devil is crafty and patient and absolutely diabolical.]

As I laid there, finishing up prayers over my husband, our marriage, and our family, I took stock of our journey. We will have been together 4 years this fall, married for 2 this winter, and Holy Bananas! Church and marriage prep taught us common hardships marriages were likely to face were things such as: financial struggle, children, careers, stress —just to name a few. It's amusing now when I think about it, but it is almost as if we saw that as a challenge! In our short time together, we've experienced a giant move across four states, a job loss, a bankruptcy, two pregnancies, career changes, postpartum depression, financial stress —again, just to name a few. All of which have taken a heavy toll upon our relationship, but by the Grace of such a merciful God, we are survivors, and HE IS GOOD.

Just about 8 years ago, I had heard a sermon in church about relationships and marriages and one verse stuck out to me, or rather, it embedded itself upon my soul. So much so that I ended up getting the verse tattooed onto my rib cage a short couple months after, and to this day I even have the same verse hanging on the wall of our bedroom as a forever present reminder.

Above all else, love each other deeply, for love covers a multitude of sin. 1 Peter 4:8

The verse resonated with me deeply. The "love" in 1 Peter 4:8 is not meant as an emotion, but rather an action, or attitude even. Though we all love to feel loved, Love is SO MUCH MORE than just a feeling and the Bible lays it out for us. Love is a commitment. Love is a choice. Love is that driving force that gets you through the wrinkles and the weight gain, the nine children and the stress of all their extracurriculars, the difficult diagnosis and the loss of a dear one.

When you talk about "feeling love" —that's just not Biblical. That's not what God meant, especially when referring to marriage. That's FEELINGS. Feelings are unpredictable, unreliable and fluctuate based off of emotions and the Bible warns us against trusting our feelings and emotions, as they can easily distort our reality. It's the #1 reason people get divorced. They "fell out of love", or they just don't "feel" the love anymore. The kind of love we are called to in a marriage is a choice, not a feeling. It's based off of the covenant you made, and not the emotions. If he's not feeling that he loves you as he should, he's right. He's not making that CHOICE to love you as Christ loved the church. That takes intentionally, time, investment, and purpose —And PRAISE GOD for that! I don't know about you, but there are moments that I don't like my husband because he can be a little selfish, and there are plenty of times my husband doesn't like me because honesty, I can be a little crazy. Can you imagine how many divorces there would be if we just called it quits when we reach those moments when we're just "not feeling it"?

If you're entering into a marriage covenant or if you're in one now, you have to know that Love is something you have to actively choose to do and you can either choose love like God loves us, unconditionally, or choose how the world loves, based on feelings and emotions. And the harsh reality about loving how the world loves, is that it is far from sustainable.

Make that choice to love like God loves us. And make it daily. Once you do, watch how God will bless your life and your relationships, watch how he will turn your marriage around.

Something to think about. Something to pray about.